Life after cancer…

I’m not really sure what to write here, but I feel the need. Ten years ago I was diagnosed with cystic renal cell cancer. I had two thirds of my right kidney removed. Now, ten years later, I have gone for a “routine” follow up CT scan. Later, a nurse from my doctors office called and left me a message to call her back regarding a “test” they wanted to do. ??? When I called her back, she said they wanted to schedule another CT scan with contrast, which I am alergic to, and an MRI. Again,??? Why would a doctor risk an allergic, possibly fatal reaction to contrast? I called back to ask why, and got little response. I, then asked if the doctor, himself, would call me back to explain. And was told yes, this afternoon, be called me back. I asked why, these “tests were necessary?”. I was told, that, there is a “nodule” in my right lung, three in my left kidney, and one on top of what was left of my right kidney. A “grand” total of five possible tumors. Now, what am I to think? Am I going to live for a while, or die within months? Who’s to know?
Eight years ago, my father was taken from me in a hunting accident. One of the greatest men I have ever known. Two years later, my mothers horse farm was burned to the ground by an employee, with a record of arson, before he was eighteen. I, was diagnosed with cancer at twentysix, after working to save peoples live for seven years. How is this fair? What have I, or my family done to deserve this? Now, I, face it again, and again, I ask why. How is this fair? What have I done to deserve this? What has my mother, a wonderful person, done, to deserve this? What, have I done, that was soo wrong that I am being punished for? Please, someone tell me, because I, do not, understand. I, am a good person. Yes, I have not been perfect, but who has? Is this God’s plan? Well, if it is, it doesn’t make any sense. Why, am I being punished? That is all I want to know, why?

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~ by wchildress on February 6, 2009.

6 Responses to “Life after cancer…”

  1. Only those who can handle the worst of life are tested over and over. For they are the strong, the faithful, the confident, the optimistic. It may not feel this way, but much of this is up to how you handle yourself. You’re courageous but scared to death – that’s what courage is. Stay fierce.

  2. I just wanted to tell you to hang in there and stay strong! I hope everything works out for you and that your results come back showing NOTHING!! I cant imagine how hard this is for you and what you are going through.. you will be in my prayers.. God Bless

    Lesli

  3. Thank you…

  4. Billy, Im really sorry to hear about your condition. But remember, God only gives us as much as we can handle. NEVER more. You have always been a strong person, and I know you will make it through this. Just remember God is in control so, make sure you always turn to him. And by the way, I lost everything because of an addiction, it was not my addiction, but I still know how badly it hurts to lose everything including friends, or so called friends because of pills. We may not have stayed in touch but believe me when I say, I am one friend you will never lose. Because I have no alterior motive I just love you as a friend. So, keep your faith strong, in the long run it is all you have. Luv ya!

  5. You are a force to be reconned with, Mr. Childress. You are a good man and a fair human being. You have a wonderful dry, dark sense of humor that most don’t get. It is funny to watch you leaving some scratching their heads and thinking “huh?”. My Momma has raised me with “life is not fair” and “no pain, no gain”, and there are questions that just don’t have answers. I wish much positive/healing energy your way.

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