My Philosophy on life

For those of you that know me well, know that I am a huge fan of Chuck Palahniuk. I, however, have an extremely hard time reading a book, I just don’t have the attention span. I do love to read quotes from him and listen to audio books.
I feel that he is a literary genious, very thought provoking, and controversial. And, I love it. He writes about people wanting to be alone, and then not wanting to be alone. Then, doing it all over again, alone, not alone, alone, not alone…
For instance, in Fight Club, he writes about a man who visits support groups in order to feel better about his own pathetic life. In that novel, there are several quotes that I love dearly.
One for instance is “Its only after you’ve lost everything, that your free to do anything.”. This quote to me is so true. I, years ago, had a bad problem with drugs, mainly pills. I lost everything, and I mean everything. A great job, my apartment, my new Durango, and, all of my friends. But, that was by choice. The only way for me to change, was to change everything I knew. I left every friend I had, moved and basicly started over. I left some friends of mine, whom I miss very much, behind. But, were they really TRUE friends? Or were they around me because I had money and the contacts? I, will never know.
After I lost everything, by choice, I started my life over. Ever since then I have not been able to forgive myself for what I have done to my family and myself. I am slowly forgiving myself. I, very much regret spending time with my father, and will never forgive myself for that. I miss him very much and always will. He, was the greatest man I have ever known, and I only hope that someday I will become the man that he was.
Someone once said, ” A man doesn’t become a man until he loses his father.” I understand that know, however I would give my life to have him back for my mother and sister. Since his passing, I believe, that I have become a real man. One, responsible for his actions, and one trying to make a diference in this world.
Chuck Palahniuk said “We all die, the goal isn’t to live forever, it’s to create something that will.” Another great quote that I believe in. What that is for me, I am not sure yet. Hopefully, I will figure it out soon. Primarily, because I’m not sure how much longer I’m going to be around. But, if, someone reading this, or someone I know. If I have changed their life, then I guess I have accomplished that goal. That is all I can hope for.

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~ by wchildress on February 19, 2009.

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